


The Shadow of Your Wound

by devovere



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drabble, Episode: s05e01 Night, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inspired by Music, Merry Month of Cohen, Tumblr Fic Event, suicide plan referenced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-27 16:31:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18742807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devovere/pseuds/devovere
Summary: Depression lies, even to Captain Kathryn Janeway.





	The Shadow of Your Wound

**Author's Note:**

> “You're in a dangerous profession, Captain. You face death every day. There'll be another time, and I'll be waiting. Eventually you'll come into my Matrix and you will nourish me for a long, long time.” Alien posing as Edward Janeway, “Coda," written by Jeri Taylor.
> 
> Warm thanks to [Curator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curator/profile) for prompt and careful beta-reading. 
> 
> Inspired by Leonard Cohen's "Avalanche" (video and lyrics below.)

From the day _Voyager_ enters the Void, nothingness creeps in and slowly buries you.

Chakotay comes to cajole. The pedestal he once carved rots to crumbs beneath you.

The demon with your father’s face calls your name daily. He's slept at your center since the first crash, the _Terra Nova._  You can see that now.

You once clung to grief, hoping it would sink you—a young, romantic delusion.

Here, your pain is no credential. You have conquered nothing, learned nothing, loved nothing.

One more mission, from Void into matrix, and your breath, your flesh, will nourish him at last.

* * *

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> "Avalanche" by Leonard Cohen
> 
> Well I stepped into an avalanche,  
> It covered up my soul;  
> When I am not this hunchback that you see,  
> I sleep beneath the golden hill.  
> You who wish to conquer pain,  
> You must learn, learn to serve me well.
> 
> You strike my side by accident  
> As you go down for your gold.  
> The cripple here that you clothe and feed  
> Is neither starved nor cold;  
> He does not ask for your company,  
> Not at the centre, the centre of the world.
> 
> When I am on a pedestal,  
> You did not raise me there.  
> Your laws do not compel me  
> To kneel grotesque and bare.  
> I myself am the pedestal  
> For this ugly hump at which you stare.
> 
> You who wish to conquer pain,  
> You must learn what makes me kind;  
> The crumbs of love that you offer me,  
> They're the crumbs I've left behind.  
> Your pain is no credential here,  
> It's just the shadow, shadow of my wound.
> 
> I have begun to long for you,  
> I who have no greed  
> I have begun to ask for you,  
> I who have no need.  
> You say you've gone away from me,  
> But I can feel you when you breathe.
> 
> Do not dress in those rags for me,  
> I know you are not poor  
> You don't love me quite so fiercely now  
> When you know that you are not sure,  
> It is your turn, beloved,  
> It is your flesh that I wear.


End file.
